By Sophia Abbey-Kuippers
Allston, MA: according to Urban Dctionary, “a place of debauchery and general lawlessness,” where college students from the greater Boston area gather to see who can get alcohol poisoning first. On a typical weekend night, the train will be overcrowded with sweaty, loud young adults looking for a good party. Valentine’s Day is no exception. Since the holiday falls on a Saturday this year, you can bet many single students (and maybe even some in relationships) will not pass up the opportunity for a weekend party crawl. However, sometimes I find the soundtrack at these parties to be lacking, and I’m especially worried about what it will be like during Valentine’s Day weekend. In honor of the holiday and a\Allston’s grimy charm, here’s a playlist for your very own romantic Allston Valentine’s party.
The Classic Songs to Get Everyone on the Floor
These are the GOOD party songs—the ones that everyone can shake their booties to, and the ones that will get those shy dancers on the floor.
“Promiscuous (feat. Timbaland)” by Nelly Furtado: We all need an excuse to take it back to the good old days and get in on that grind line. Take a cue from one of R&B ’s greatest middle-school jams, and get your booty on the dance floor!
“Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly: I can guarantee that everyone always wants to hear this song forever. Despite R. Kelly’s personal failings, he can write a damn good love song.
“On the Floor (feat. Pitbull)” by Jennifer Lopez: Nothing says “I wanna take you back to my shitty twin bed and pass out with my shirt over my head” quite like some good old J-Lo and Pitbull. Just remember: whatever you do, don’t get down on the floor of this dudes basement. It’s disgusting down there.
The Love Songs
Make sure your love interest knows that you’re interested in him by putting on one of these “get it on” songs. The key about these is that they’re all still crowd pleasers, so no one will be groaning about a slow-dance song.
“Down” by Jay Sean: Seriously, I miss hearing Jay Sean blasting from speakers. Everyone loves a 2009 throwback, and Jay can get really steamy with his lyrics (“Baby are you down, down, down, down, down, dowwwwn, dowwwwwwwwwn?”)
“Candy Shop (feat. Olivia)” by 50 Cent: Honestly, your party will feel incomplete unless you play at least seven individual 50 Cent songs, so here’s a good one to start with. “Candy Shop” is one of the most classic sexy songs out there, so it’s sure to be a hit.
“Hot In Herre” by Nelly: It probably is getting pretty hot in this basement, so maybe you should take off your clothes. This is a good signal to your dance partner that you’re down for the get-down.
The Ones That No One Wants to Hear
At every party with an accessible sound system, there’s always gonna be one asshole that plays his personal favorite song. This is either something super obscure that no one knows the words to, or something that is just not danceable at all. Usually something in the “indie” or “pop-punk” genres.
“First Date” by blink-182: If you’re going to play pop-punk at an Allston Valentine’s party, this is it. Not only will the crowd go wild, but you can introduce the theme of love into the mix.
“Love Life” by Girls: This is just personal preference here because I love Girls, but any song with soft, unintelligible lyrics and a minimal beat will do. Just remember: if more than five people in the room can recognize the artist, you’ve chosen incorrectly.
“Your Body Is A Wonderland” by John Mayer: Nothing will drive your date away faster that John Mayer’s grating voice and creepy lyrics. On the positive side, when you clear the dance floor there’s more room for you to boogie.
The Love Songs
Not to be confused with the sexy songs, your love songs are the ones that set the Mood with a capital “M.” The party lights will flatter your smeared eyeliner and hide your sweat stains. And since everything smells really bad, chances are your dance partner’s scent will be at least bearable in comparison.
“Your Love Is My Drug” by Ke$ha: I can guarantee you that there will be many drugs floating around this party, but with the Ke$ha’s help, you can get that boy you have your eyes on to realize that your love is the only drug he needs.
“Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol: There’s no one more important to love than yourself, so if you’re having some trouble finding someone who wants to listen to you talk about Wes Anderson on 35mm film at length, take the opportunity to work on some solo dance moves.
“Low” by Flo Rida: I will stand by this until the end: Flo Rida has got to be one of the most romantic artists of all time.
The Grimy Allston Songs
There’s something about the party houses in Allston that makes me never want to call the venue home. It might be the permanent film of beer covering the floor or the vomit in the washing machine, but something about these places doesn’t make them seem ideal for romance.
“(You Drive Me) Crazy” by Britney Spears: You are seriously crazy for coming to this party. Why didn’t you stay at home with a box of Franzia and some chocolate? Now you’re thirty minutes away from your bed in a sweaty mosh pit of fraternity boys.
“Kiss Kiss (feat. T-Pain)” by Chris Brown: You know who’s a pretty garbage person in general? Chris Brown. Really take in the gravity of your situation by listening to a song by this human dumpster of a man. It’ll be worth it once you get to that T-Pain verse, I promise.
“We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris)” by Rihanna: Allston can really seem like a hopeless place on a Saturday night, but just as you were about to give up, you found the one: a vaguely coherent human with mildly attractive features. Take them to New York Pizza for your first date! (If you drank enough, you won’t notice that it tastes terrible.)